I guess I'm a Texas Rangers fan now.

If you've talked to me for more than ten minutes this baseball season, then you already know that my brother works for the Texas Rangers. (No big deal.) Last month, my parents and I flew down to Dallas to see him, see some games, and see the JFK assassination spot, which requires its own blog post.

The Rangers went 1-1 in the two games I saw against the Angels (who suck), and I guess I'm a Rangers fan now. I have a shirt and everything (thanks, Mom).

And now... Things at Rangers Ballpark that Should Be at Every Stadium

- Flex Cam - Dudes and dudettes flexing on the big screen. It's far less awkward than the Kiss Cam.
- Stealing Third Base - They get a kid to "steal third" while the grounds crew is raking the infield and replacing bases late in the game. The kid has to run in from the outfield, pick up third base, and run back with the base all in 30 seconds. It's easy for little kids with a ton of energy, and it's fun for everyone else who could never do that in a million years but want to watch anyway.
- Famous Historical Mascots - Sam Houston, Jim Bowie, and Davy Crockett - in mascot form! And they all run around the field. People don't bet on who wins.
- No Other Flags Except the American Flag and the State Flag - Most ballparks have the flags of all the teams and fly them in their respective standing order. Not Rangers Ballpark. You're in Texas, and they don't let you forget it.
- Stadium Waves That Turn into Forces of Nature - I'm a huge fan of the stadium wave. It's one of my favorite social phenomena, so much so that I once wrote a paper about it for my Social Psychology class. So, imagine my delight when the Rangers fans attempted to start one during a slow part of the game. It was pretty weak at first, but it quickly grew into a force so powerful, it could only be stopped by the 7th Inning Stretch.
- Gluten-Free Hot Dogs - They were next to all the junk, of course, but they were still there.
- Spirit Squad - There are no cheerleaders at Rangers Ballpark, but there are girls in Rangers jerseys, short shorts, and knee highs giving out prizes and dancing on the dugouts. They're cute, but not in your face about it. Plus, their boobs aren't hanging out. (Sorry, guys.)
- A Horse Mascot That Takes Off His Hat for the National Anthem Somehow - I missed how this guy was able to reach up and pull the little hat off his huge horse head, but I'm still impressed. Yes, it's possible that he went on the field without his hat to begin with, but I like to pretend he was magically able to remove it himself while in costume.
- Polite Texan Women as Security - There's nothing like a Texan woman looking you in the eye and firmly asking, "Are these your seats?" with that polite Texan accent. I thought guilt was just a Jewish thing. I now know better.

Why My Mommy Is the Best Mommy, by Amy, Age (2)6

Remember those essays from elementary school? We always had to write about such profound topics and could only come up with a few meager sentences like, "My mommy is the best mommy because she loves me. My mommy is the best mommy because she tucks me in at night. My mommy is the best mommy because she has brown hair. The end." Unfortunately, I'm not that much more verbose now; I just know bigger words and proper grammar (please note the proper usage of the semi-colon above).

I did happen to luck out and have a great mom, though. She's smart and funny, and she gives the best advice in the world on any topic. She sings in a chorus. She also basically looks the same as she did in high school, except now her hair's shorter. So far, it looks like she passed that on to me (with the help of my dad's genes, too), so while I don't enjoy being called "kid" by current co-workers, I am looking forward to it at my 20-year high school reunion.

She taught (and is still teaching) me to cook Italian food. She drove my brother and me to school even though we lived blocks away from both our elementary and high schools. She was always in my brother's and my corners, ready to fight for both of us until we became too embarrassed to have our mom fight for us, but she still would, if she had to. She always stressed (and still does stress) proper word usage and grammar. As a kid, having my mom correct me when I said "good" instead of "well" was mildly annoying. As an adult in the working world, I find every one of those admonishments invaluable. (I told you I know big words. [T-shirt idea?])

My mom and dad raised two (semi-)independent adults who are passionate about the fields in which they are working (although, my brother has the cooler job). This is no small feat in this day and age, in this tough economic time, etc. They also still shell out some money to us kids if we ask really nicely, and we do.

What I'm really trying to say here is, Mom, Mommy, I need some money. Can I please have some money? (Just kidding, Mom. Really.)

I've also seen my mom tackle difficult life situations with an almost shocking amount of logic, grace, and ease. I'm sure she would beg to differ, but she's awe-inspiring when the going gets tough. As I grow up, I'm starting to realize this particular skill involves a lot of winging it, but nobody wings it like my mom.

I'm sure there's a bunch of moms out there - probably hundreds of 'em. But I think my mom is the best. Michelle Obama seems pretty good too. The end.

I love you, Mom! Happy Mother's Day!

I'm all for this Royal Wedding.

Granted, I'm not going to stay up or wake up to watch The Royal Wedding at 3 a.m. Pacific time this Friday morning, but I probably will watch a couple clips, read a bunch of articles, and find as many pictures as I can afterward. I feel like I should be more cynical about Wills and Kate, like Mark Oppenheimer of Slate.com clearly is, but I'm just not. You know why?

I like princesses.

Usually, that's followed by "And ponies!" and a flutter of pink taffeta and glitter. But I never really got into horses - except when they made me some money at the track. I asked my parents to paint my bedroom pink when I was 6 and then pretty much regretted it as soon as the last coat went on the walls. And my experience with glitter was mostly limited to school projects during the holidays. Hey kids, let's give your parents a tree made out of glue and glitter for Christmas and a heart made out of glue and glitter for Valentine's Day. Every suburban carpet must be sprinkled with about a pound of glitter that vacuums couldn't get to.

So why does this self-professed non-girly girl feel slightly giddy at the mention of a mere (rich) commoner like Kate Middleton falling in love (let's hope) with Prince William of England? I grew up on Disney movies, like most Americans. What little girl doesn't like the idea of finding her true love someday, getting swept off her feet, and living a life of luxury with fabulous clothes and perfect hair? Some of my earliest, significant memories are of Disney movies. The first movie I ever saw in a theater was Cinderella. When I got the chicken pox, my mom gave me The Little Mermaid on VHS (yes, the one with the "penis" on the cover) while I was soaking in my Aveeno oatmeal bath. I still remember how excited I was to own The Little Mermaid - on home video!

Little American girls don't have regal women to look up to. We just have Hillary Clinton and Oprah (not in that particular order). Sigh. Ho-hum. They don't even have hundreds-of-years-old jewelry and gowns passed down to them from generations of sparkly queens. They have to go out and BUY stuff. What fun is that? Sure, I'll take a representative democracy over a monarchy any day, but as Stephen Colbert says, "Where's the zazz?"

So, count me in as openly rooting for Wills and Kate. The British Royal Family could really use a fresh face to break up all the...not-as-fresh faces. And they do seem like they are each others' true love. Most importantly, though, Kate gets all that STUFF. And she already has perfect hair.

Appreciating the Little Things for About Half an Hour

After work today, I went to the post office to buy stamps, and I was able to find a spot with a slightly pre-paid parking meter (i.e. someone had been there and left sooner than they thought they would). Sweet.

Then, after much deliberation and inner turmoil, I decided to get a Slurpee at 7-Eleven. Hey, it's getting warmer out, and I enjoy sugary syrup mixed with crushed ice. The particular 7-Eleven I chose to go to happens to be next to the YMCA of which I am a member. Purchasing a Slurpee in the shadow of the gym I haven't been to in over a month takes guts, or really, just a gut. I marched in, picked out a large cup and lid, and saw that Sugar Free Crystal Light Strawberry Banana was one of the Slurpee choices.

Did you know they had SUGAR FREE Slurpees?

Where were these when I was 13, a.k.a. the age I was officially allowed to go to convenience stores on my own and purchase whatever sugary crap I wanted with my "own money" (read: allowance)? That was my prime sweet-tooth-development time, and I wish I had access to Sugar Free Slurpees to lessen the insane calorie intake. Although, back then, I probably would have compensated for the lost calories with another pack of Snowballs and a Surge for later.

I left 7-Eleven sipping on my 4-calorie drink, and as I was pulling out of the driveway, a long line of 4-year-olds wearing oversized, matching, neon green T-shirts crossed the street in front of me with the help of their chaperones. And they were all holding hands. I pretty much stopped breathing from all the cuteness.

I'd say that's a pretty good half-hour.

I May or May Not Be Frightened by a Supermarket

Here's a "So LA" story for you. I had to make my daily supermarket run for work this morning, and as I pulled up to the Henry's Farmers' Market in Burbank, I saw about five 15-passenger vans, some Star Waggons trailers, and black curtains over the windows. My first thought was not, "Ooo, what are they filming here?" or "OMG, maybe I'll be in a shot!" It was "Uggggh, I just wanna buy some food and get back to the office!"

Just another day at Henry's Farmers' Market.

Luckily, they were still setting up, so I did manage to get food and get out. In case you were wondering, they were filming "Private Practice" there, but I didn't see anyone besides crew members. Taye Diggs must have been hanging out in his Star Waggon.

After work, I decided to go to Whole Foods for the first time in search of dairy-free mac and cheese in a box. Whole Foods is an intense place full of allergen-free food and environmental propaganda. It's trying to go for the wood-and-chalkboard charm of Trader Joe's without the jaunty nautical theme. At Trader's, there are signs that encourage you to use their reusable bags by asking, "Did you remember your bag today?" or "Would you like to buy a reusable bag today? They're only a dollar!" At Whole Foods, there's a giant chalkboard outside that blares, "SAVE THE EARTH! Bring your own bag!" Ok! Relax. They're saying it like that's the only Earth-saving option. Although, if it is, I guess I should probably get around to doing it. It is cheaper than buying a hybrid.

Inside, I saw a family of progressive-looking gingers in the cracker aisle, picking out healthy snacks. The teenage boy ginger was helming the shopping cart and glanced at me, wordlessly informing me that 1. he couldn't believe his entire family was shopping at Whole Foods either, and 2. he was actively ignoring the teachable moment his mom was trying to turn this trip into.

I didn't know my way around this new-fangled supermarket, and at one point, I came to the end of an aisle and looked both ways before crossing, as if crossing the street I grew up on for the first time. I did manage to find the dairy-free mac-and-cheese in a box I was looking for, along with some coconut milk ice cream I'm also looking forward to and some "Eggless Tofu Salad" which I picked up for a second, smirked at, and put back immediately. At the checkout, the cashier asked me if I wanted a freezer bag for my ice cream. I said no and then had to ask, "A freezer bag? What does that even look like?" The cashier picked up a smaller paper bag that said something like "For keeping cool" on it and said, "You know, sometimes people buy ice cream and go on long trips." So, apparently, Whole Foods has enchanted paper bags, too.

Hopefully, I like the dairy-free stuff I picked up. If I do, I'm going back to Whole Foods - with a tour guide.

New Sketch

Jay and I wrote a sketch while we were driving around last weekend. It could probably use another draft, but I'm happy enough with it to post it. Enjoy.

Half-employed.

Hey, I got one of those jobs, finally. I'm an office assistant/runner at an audio post facility that restores old soundtracks and mixes new ones. It's pretty cool, but it's only part-time, making me half-employed. Hopefully, I will find another part-time job soon, or maybe get promoted at some point to a full-time position.

They also gave me a company iPhone, which was a nice surprise since a) they didn't tell me that in the interview, and b) I didn't know companies still did that in the entertainment industry. Usually, people just expect PA's and/or assistants to magically have smartphones so they can use the internet to make their countless runs to various places around Los Angeles County. Everyone can afford a smartphone, right? Especially someone entry-level? Sure. But no, this company had the foresight to give me a smartphone because it's not fair to ask someone to spend his/her own money on a 3- or 4G data plan because it's vital to his/her job. Plus, I think they just had an old iPhone laying around, but still. The fact that they even had a spare company phone to begin with really says something.

Oh, and if you're wondering, I already beat Angry Birds, but now I'm working on getting higher scores. I want those three stars, damn it!

My current roommate might have cost me a job.

I just found out that I definitely did not get yet another job I interviewed for. It's tough out there, for sure, but I might be able to pinpoint where I went wrong with this one.

Before the interview, I was having a nice, breezy conversation with my interviewer about when I moved to LA, my old roommates, etc. Then:

Interviewer: Do you have a roommate now?
Me: Yeah! Well, no. Um, I have a cat.

I guess I had been answering "yes" to most of her questions. Also, sometimes I feel like my cat is my roommate, ok? The interviewer politely said that she had a cat, too, and she could relate. Not enough to give me a job, apparently.